May The Fourth Be With You

Happy Star Wars day!

Star Wars has always been an important part of my life. Before I had even seen the films I knew all the characters from the Star Tours attraction at Disneyland Paris and my Dad has done Chewbacca impressions for as long as I remember. Dad had Star Wars Sega games and he definitely still has all his original Star Wars VHS' in the house somewhere.

I still remember buying my first Star Wars T-shirt in the Next sale with my Mam when I had just started making the transition from kids clothes to adults clothes. Little did I think I would still be wearing that same t-shirt 15 years later.

I started watching the films through my teens and completely fell in love with Princess Leia and everything she stood for. I grew up quite confident and my family were always so encouraging and supportive but I was bullied a lot in my late teens and lost a lot of my confidence. Leia showed me how strong a woman can be and I always strive to be like her. She reminds me of my Nana who we lost in 2011, just after I began university. Nana was everything to me, I saw her every day and was devastated when she passed away. I was dealing with deep-rooted depression stemming from the bullying I endured in secondary school and losing my Nana was an emotional explosion in my life and our lives as a family. I couldn't accept the loss and couldn't even talk about her without crying until I began seeing a therapist in my college in 2018.

On December 27, 2016, I read the news that Carrie Fisher had passed away. I had just received her autobiography The Princess Diarist for Christmas. I was devastated. I felt silly, I had never cried over a celebrity before. I didn't know this woman personally. I know now that my sadness and grief was totally valid. Not only had I lost an important icon in my life but I was still grieving the woman I compared her to.

I have had many years and many difficult therapy sessions to get to where I am now. I am okay. I am strong. I have made great changes in my life to help myself find balance and happiness and peace. If I am having a bad day I do my best to wear a Star Wars t-shirt and a leather jacket and feel a little more bad-ass. I put on my red lipstick and think of what a bad-ass my Nana was.

For me personally, Star Wars has a strong message of hope, durability and tenacity and has brought so much joy into my life.